Bonesy's Blahg

How I Spent My BlahgCation

In my last post, I mentioned the need to get hot before my daughter deleted my fan club. I mean, I didn’t REALLY think she would delete my fan club. Could she? WOULD SHE? Answer: SHE WOULD.  Apparently we are now at critical mass. If we were using that goofy scale that Prez Bush came up with to determine terrorist threats, I would be at code red.  In case you forgot, RED AIN’T GOOD!

Anyway, so I got a message from Kid1 the other day, who essentially demanded I get this blog going again.  Then HE made a threat to take down my fan club, blah blah blah, something about his career, blah blah blah…

Honestly, I’m not sure if he’s even an admin of the club.  So that feels like an empty threat at best.

My point to all of this is my audience is comprised mostly of my spawn & they can’t brag about their mama if their mama doesn’t get off her ass & give them something to brag about!

End result?  You get a long overdue blog post.  AND I GET TO KEEP MY FAN CLUB for a little bit longer!  Win-win!!

The truth is, my life has been stupid busy since the last time you’ve heard from me!  We had 2 weddings this year, so my kid levels have jumped up to a Duggar-like 6!  I NOW HAVE SIX KIDS!!!  Luckily they’re all old enough that I don’t have to change any diapers or remind them to keep their hands out of their mouths.  I mean, usually.

Kid3 married his college love two days after they graduated  in Virginia . This meant a road trip.  The hubby had been keeping a crazy work schedule since the beginning of the year & I am always on the prowl for adventure, so we made a vacation out of it.  Vacation, followed by big-ass party?  YES, PLEASE!  We spent a few days alone on the road, reminding one another why we don’t make more road trips…then rented a working farm to call home base with the family in VA.  Actually, a farm probably wasn’t my best choice. Birds freak me out, so the free range chickens that swarmed my car was a flock of noisy nightmare.  Also, it was 45 minutes of hairpin, dirt-road hell to get to any type of civilization & they have bears there.   So there’s that.

IMG_2486

The end result?  I got an awesome new daughter & all I had to give up was a little of my pride by running from chickens.

Next up in the Bonesy family drama-rama?  Kid1 deployed. DEPLOYED!  That’s when they take the beautiful baby that was once connected to you by actual tissue & blood flow… and deposit him on the other side of the planet.

At this point,  I MAY have spent a few days drinking away my feelings, hiding out from society & sobbing into the fur of a Golden Retriever.

It’s my process.

But then I had to sober up & snap out of it.  Kid2 got married at the end of August!

Deployment meant Kid #1 couldn’t be in town for his little sister’s wedding, so I fixed that for her.

Picture by Cannon Candids Photography

I found a company online that made a Flat Kid1 & got it to me just in time for the wedding.

I can honestly say that I did not flash anyone at Kid2’s reception, though she probably would have thought that was AWESOME!  I did host a vodka closet, do a little ghost hunting, & pass around a Mason jar of  ‘shine, though.

I mean, don’t even pretend like you didn’t do that stuff at your wedding.

Mixed into all of that other stuff, Kid4 transferred schools & moved away.

(Cue the feelings-drinking music again, please.)

We have no major life events on the horizon, so now I’m back to looking for other outlets for my ADD and a new excuse to open a bottle of vodka.  Trevor appreciates the lack of snot in his fur, though.

Trevor[1]

 

Advertisements

September 11, 2016 Posted by | Family, Kids, Love, Marriage, Travel | Leave a comment

Not-So-Super-Sunday

Today, guys everywhere are doing super cool stuff – hanging out, bullshitting with their buddies, & drinking their way up to & through the big game. Lucky bastards.

I should also be doing those things!

Not because I’m a guy (I have the stretch marks, prolapsed uterus, & the 4-baby-sag to prove it)… but because I maybe SHOULD have been a born a guy.

At any given moment, I would much rather be doing “guy” stuff than “girl” stuff. Well, except for that pesky all of the work during sex thing . I’m not an idiot! I know how good we girls have it there.

My point is, instead of celebrating the last day of football season like a good tomboy should… I have spent my day chained to the laptop. I’ve used words like “cute” and “vintage,” along with silly phrases like “my colors” and “cake tasting.”

WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED TO ME?!!?

I said “yes.”

Yes, I’m already married. But the first time we got hitched, it was kind of on a whim. Well, maybe not a whim. But it had certainly all happened fast enough to leave me in a semi-retarded fog.

We met at the end of August while signing up for the military. By the end of November, I had left for (and returned from) boot camp, fallen in love, gotten engaged…and now had to plan a wedding. But the thing is, I didn’t know anything about that crap!. I had just turned 18 & had really never given much thought to marriage!

And I was certainly not one of those little girls who grew up dreaming of a princess wedding.

So while we considered a big ol’ extended family hoopla, we ultimately decided we wanted to do it before he left for boot camp. So, we worked the phone lines until we found someone willing to do the deed without forcing us to sit through classes that we didn’t have the time or inclination to take.

That person was the mayor of a neighboring town who happened to be on bereavement leave. Despite the fact that her husband had just died, she agreed to come into work long enough to marry us that morning 25 years ago.

There were 3 witnesses.

We went to work later that day.

It’s a crazy story, but it’s all true. I LOVE that we did everything so completely off base from what everyone else we know did in their wedding. We did it cheaper… and OURS WORKED, BITCHES!

But this time, we want to do it “right,” whatever that means. We want to be sure we get the opportunity to celebrate our love with all of those we love the most. That’s the most important part of it all for us

It’s still going to be unconventional. It’s still going to be fun. But in the end, it’s still going to be US, with hopefully way more of YOU.  And then I’ll pay some bartenders to get you drunk before I make my grand appearance… in a dress. This way, your memories will be foggy when you think back to it the next day. This is called “WEDDING PLANNING” & it’s apparently a skill I am damn good at!

February 7, 2016 Posted by | Confession, Family, Friends, Love, Marriage | , | Leave a comment

   

%d bloggers like this: