Bonesy's Blahg

Things In My Text Box

So, here we are several months past any REAL updates to this blog. Again. And, instead of giving you any kind of an update as to what’s been going on, I’m giving you another bullshit “Things In My Text Box” post. The good news is, these are way better than my real posts. The bad news is…. well, I guess there is none since this is all you get these days!

Also, I should tell you that this is me posting under duress.  My kid actually said she’d be taking my fan page down if I don’t post soon.  Seriously?  I pushed you out of my vagina, you ungrateful little shit!  (end rant)

Since it has been so long, a reminder: These are all real, unedited texts from my phone…but theyr’e not in order. I basically take all the texts, shuffle them up, & play around with the order. If you text me, you know all about this stuff, so it’s fair game. If you DON’T text me…Well, you probably win this game.  Clearly nothing is off limits & I can’t keep a fucking secret.

  • I just spend all my discretionary income on vibrators & sex gel. Pretty sure this is how you win adulthood.
  • Now I’m a total slut & a sex slave to myself!
  • I had $$ set aside for that night…but spent it all on vibrators. Again.
  • That is awesome!!! Haha! Give them all their very own name & tell (…) you have a date with Foxy tonight or Lamont.
  • I’ll think of you when I play my vagina.
  • Woo hoo! You should rub some grease all over yourself, then go find a giant tube to hide in.
  • I’m using a vibrator. On my foot. I’m officially the oldest fucking 40 year old EVER.
  • Purses, dildos and facial products?
  • Did you get the rod?
  • So, working annual Jizz Fest, for free of course
  • Pretty sure I’ve now seen the other side of the glory hole.
  • How many blowjobs = a car?
  • She has no idea how sore she’s going to be
  • Haha Wow, that gives family love a whole new dynamic
  • Well I am not a hooker.
  • So much for fucking me.
  • No dick? Curious.
  • I did it! Cut if off!!
  • Does etiquette say we have to wrap it in cellophane? Fucker is HUGE
  • We DEFINITELY need to do some sucking! What’s the band schedule like these days?
  • Weird question. Do you make balls?
  • SO GLAD I didn’t offer road head! Awkward!
  • And giant schlong shoes!
  • Does it look like a big penis?
  • Def NOT a big penis. Although, the vag that THIS would fit could make a killing in fetish porn.
  • It was good, but my plan is to stick to the V. It keeps me mostly upright.
  • Ohhh… I just got moist
  • Yay! It is pretty down there!
  • Even with the sewage aroma? CURIOUS.
  • It smells good
  • No, it’s vidalia onion flavored
  • Haha Yep! It isn’t too bad on her…but you couldn’t go to her house. I stood on the front stoop without the door even open and smelled it. Opened the door & gagged.
  • Prob because it’s drying out
  • But my husband won’t let me hire a midget to walk around with a spritzer to keep my giant vag moist all night! Nothing worse than a giant dry vag.
  • I will do iton my knees even. See what a great friend I am?
  • But ppl will get the wrong idea about us if you’re on your knees moistening my vag all night! Or the right idea. Suddenly I’m a little confused
  • I’m in! What would we put in it besides alcohol eggs underwear?
  • I can’t find any god damn squishy eggs!
  • I don’t want to see your sweat stained undies
  • Holy fuck! CONT. breakfasts, not cunt breakfasts. Those are prob extra.
  • Gasp! Think you’ll eat 8 hours of the day then?
  • Today I’m eating dog balls.
  • Lol… yummmm. They look a bit turgid.
  • Are those dogs lovin?? Out in the open??
  • Oh lol Is it a dirty game with men playing?
  • So much for boob!
  • Lol…I did the eyeball thing once and it made me puke. No way I could work under those conditions. That’s dangerous mixing of the sexes.
  • Well I don’t sell my stuff. Amateur so only fam mostly.

This is short & sweet, which means I have WAY more weeding out/shuffling to do. Hopefully I get to it quicker than I did last time!!


November 15, 2016 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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