Bonesy's Blahg

Excuses

So today I am one hot, hobbled mess.

I woke up with the best of intentions. My plan (like it is every morning) was to get up & ride the recumbent bike before work.

My alarm went off at 6 am and, while I admit there was a moment when I considered rolling back into the warmth that is my husband, I totally jumped right out of bed & started my day with a smile!

Ugh, who am I kidding?

I totally shut that bitch off & rolled back into the warmth for another 1/2 hour.

That may have been when things went awry.

Or, some sadistic fucker on his man period made a “me” voodoo doll & grabbed a giant pin.

Either way, when I finally did drag my ass out of bed, that first step was a bitch.

I know, because I yelled “BITCH!” right before I fell forward & smacked my forehead on the wall.

I’ve been fighting plantar fasciitis on my right foot for a while. Just when I think I’ve finally conquered it… it jumped to the left with a vengeance, just to prove who’s boss. (Hint… it’s not me.)

And I sleep on the left side of the bed, so that first step? Yep, it was the left. And that wall? Much closer to the bed than I realized.

So I hobbled my way through the morning routine (minus the bike), threw a little extra concealer on my forehead, grabbed an ice pack, then dug a dusty, mid-80s era, hand-me-down TENS unit out of the linen closet.

Why, you ask?

I told you, I had the best of intentions! I wanted to freeze and shock my foot back into submission so that I could go to churchersize tonight!

That’s right, churchersize. CHURCHERSIZE. The place where I go to get my sweat on once a week with my girl posse & a whole bunch of other, also sweaty people who are my sized, but have completely opposite religious beliefs, & then I dare god to smite me. So far, I have not yet been smited… though I have been cursed with the lesbian shuffle the next day.

(My legs won’t bend right & my arms are held at a weird angle to my body when I walk.)

And now? Now my day is mostly over & it looks like I will be smite-free once again!

No churchersize for me. Apparently, there just wasn’t enough freeze in my ice pack. There was enough buzz in my dusty old TENS unit, surprisingly enough. I mean, I don’t know what a “normal” setting is, but my eyebrows are smoking & I think I now have Tourette’s.

Just ask the guy at the Christian-owned restaurant down the street from my work. I made the office lunch run & he oh-so-kindly offered to help me carry it all to my car after seeing my pathetic limp. Cool Dumb as I am, I refused…then managed to hit my toe with the door, which threw me off balance, which caused me to knock my forehead on the edge of it as I stumbled out & yelled “FUCK! BITCH! GODDAMMIT!!” & stomped my good foot, completely forgetting that there was a short step down, dropping the massive amounts of food in my arms.

Sh!  Don’t tell the work peeps.  5 second rule!!

*sigh*

So, instead of eating my healthy lunch, then sweating it off this evening… I ate pebbly soul food, I’m sitting on the couch with my foot up watching an Alanis Morissette concert with my dog, & YOU get a blog post.  But hey, I MEANT well!

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October 13, 2016 Posted by | Confession, Family, Friends, Health, Rant, Sleep, Work | , | Leave a comment

Unpinking My Wardrobe & My Wallet

I own exactly one pink shirt.  I bought it at the breast cancer walk a few years ago.

Mostly because I was the only person out of THOUSANDS that wasn’t wearing pink.  So there may have been a tad bit of peer pressure there.

But also because it says “Fight Like  A Girl.”

As a tomboy who grew up kicking the asses of neighborhood boys to defend my mouthy, ball-less little brothers, I kinda love that slogan.  By “kinda,” I totally mean I’d make out with it…if it weren’t a slogan & I weren’t married.

I love words, but I’m not a whore!

Tomorrow I will be dropping that shirt off at Goodwill in protest of the Susan G. Komen decision to withdraw grants to Planned Parenthood.

I will no longer be donating to their cause, nor raising money & racing for the cure… in protest of their asinine, politically charged farce of a decision.

For an organization that claims to be a proponent of women’s health to withdraw funding from another women’s health organization in favor of a right wing campaign to limit access to health care is beyond ridiculous.

And their changing stories about the why’s & how’s of it only serve as proof of the political bullying behind it.

Regardless of your stance on contraception or abortion, Planned Parenthood provides health care to women across the nation who can’t afford it otherwise.  And 97%  of the care they provide is screening and reproductive health.  But the far right like to keep that all swept neatly under the rug, while they picket & rant about abortion.

The Komen donations were earmarked to specifically provide screening for breast cancer.

So the message here is the Susan G. Komen foundation is all about breast health…just not for poor people?

I’m not an activist, nor am I pro-abortion.

But I have been a poor, uninsured woman in need of medical care…in a country that increasingly only offers care to those who can afford it.  And the screening and care I received at a clinic back then saved my life.

So this year, I will be donating a nice fat check to Planned Parenthood on the day of my local Race for the Cure.

And then I’ll turn my attention to other, less sexy cancer awareness & prevention charities.

Maybe I’ll even start a new trend!  Like a prostate cancer awareness day!!  We’ll all wear brown & carry giant buttholes on a stick.

I’ll be free on Race for the Cure day.

October 2, 2016 Posted by | Family, People, Rant | , , | 4 Comments

   

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