Bonesy's Blahg

Ratings

I’ve been demoted.  This has nothing to do with my new boss having read my blog.  (I’m pretty sure she hasn’t.)  Actually, it has nothing to do with my day job at all.

Nope.  I’ve been demoted by my child, the infamous Kid2.

Earlier today, I had this convo:

Kid2: Woman, don’t you EVER answer your phone?

Me: What are you talking about?

Kid2: Well, I’ve sent you like 3 texts lately that you haven’t bothered to respond to.

Me:  Are you feeling unloved?

Kid2: Maybe a little. But one was pretty important, so you suck.

Me: Also, I’m kind of awesome.

Kid2: But mostly you suck.

Me: With a side of awesome.

Kid2: Well, sometimes.

Sometimes!?

I have now been demoted to “sometimes” status on the Scale of Awesome.

So, in order to remedy that, I’ve agreed to go to her sorority Founders Day brunch next month.   I’m not quite sure why she wants me to do this.  Have I mentioned that I like to leave an impression?

“Like to” might be a bit of a stretch.  It kinda just happens.  I can’t be trusted in public settings.

So, apparently, Kid2 is just asking for it.   Which means she secretly loves when I embarrass her.

Which means I’m pretty fucking awesome, whether she’ll admit it or not.

July 24, 2016 Posted by | Family, Kids, Textersations | , , , , , | 2 Comments

What It’s Like To Be My Kid

 

 

Kid3:

 

Me: Sweet! Are you at the creepy puppet museum? If so, take drugs to sleep tonight.  Otherwise, the nightmares will make you crazy.  That’s how creepy puppet museums work.  They’re a front for the makers of Ambien.

Kid3: Howdy Doody?  Lol  Emily took me to the natural bridge and they had a toy museum that we looked at in the gift shop.  The toy museum was free!

Me: Really?!  That’s because old toys are creepy.  And creeped out kids get nightmares.  Nightmares are free.  Know what’s not free?  The drugs parents buy to make sure creeped out kids sleep.  It’s all about the drugs.

Kid3: You are a junkie.

Me: I get nightmares.

Kid3: Was Howdy Doody before your time & more for Aunt Kim? I remember one of you two was making fun of us for looking like Howdy Doody or something when we were younger.

Me: Howdy was from the 50s, but I think we watched reruns.  We make fun because we love.  Also, because we hate.  And because we feel ambivalent.  But with you, it was def out of love. 

Kid3: Ah okay.  It looked old but I didn’t know how old.  But we know that’s why you did it all those years.

July 13, 2016 Posted by | Family, Kids, Sleep, Textersations | Leave a comment

   

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