Bonesy's Blahg

I Like To Leave An Impression.

Someday, I’m gonna be famous.   Not for anything good, though.  I’ll never write a bestseller, or star in a movie, or give birth to a kid with 16 fingers & 22 toes.  I’m good with that.  Actually, extra digits kinda creep me out.   Something tells me that might interfere with the bonding process.

See, I’m the chick who leaves cringe-inducing first impressions.  I don’t mean to… usually.  It’s apparently just how I roll.  I’m an equal opportunity offender & kind of an acquired taste.  Not everybody “gets” my humor.  I’m also a little socially awkward, so I have a hard time relating to people when I first meet them.   This combo usually results in nervous laughter & people backing slowly away from me.  Sometimes, I don’t take the hint & actually pursue them.  This would be one of those times.

*sigh*

I tried to introduce myself to my son’s girlfriend’s mom online the other night.  The problem is, I kind of skipped the introduction part.  Then I kind of came off as a nutbag cyber-stalker.  By the time she figured out who the hell I was, she already decided she didn’t like me.  I know because she actually said, “You are weird and I don’t like you already.  Let’s just call it good and not be friends, shall we?”  I mean, I can’t really blame her there.  I had steamrolled my way from cyber-stalker to the mom of a possible serial killer over the course of a manic 30 minute facebook conversation in which she practically begged me to just leave her the hell alone.  I am pretty sure I actually frightened her.

It made for some pretty damn entertaining reading on my facebook wall, though…  Unless you were either my son or his girlfriend.  I’m pretty sure they were not liking me much that night either.

To be fair, I’ll leave the mom’s parts of the conversation out of the blog.  I didn’t exactly get around to asking her permission before she alerted the authoritieshired a bodyguard put a hit out on …un-friended me.

I started out by mentioning that I thought it would be fun to mess with our kids’ heads & make them wonder just what dirty little family secrets we might be telling one another. Seems innocuous enough, right?  Um, apparently only to moms like me.  You know, moms who actually DO like messing with their kids’ heads!  This was not one of those moms.

Because she’s not one of  “those” moms, I probably shouldn’t have asked if she had skipped a day or two of parenting classes…. and then told her it looked like I was gonna have to do some schoolin’.  That might have been a little offensive.

In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have likened my son’s pick-up skills to those of Ted Bundy.  I mean, I tried to reassure her that his car is in my driveway, a long 6 hours away from her daughter.  Strangely, I don’t think she found that very reassuring.

When talking about our family, mentioning that my parents were fools…who were raised by fools, um… While that may be true, I can see how that would make someone uneasy.  Especially when she’s already questioning the safety of her daughter.

Also, the part where I told her my hobby is playing mind games on people…  Well, that might just seem a little odd to outsiders.

Mentioning that I don’t discuss my many affairs on facebook … Well, I should have probably left that out altogether.  Y’know, since I’ve never actually HAD an affair….either on facebook or off.

Finally, telling her that my son gets his pole dancing skills from me was probably not a good idea, either.  I can see now that people who don’t know me might not see the humor.  Especially in light of all of the above.

I think I’ve finally outdone myself.  I definitely made an impression.  Not a good impression, but I’m pretty damn sure she’ll never forget me.



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February 16, 2011 - Posted by | Confession, Friends, Kids

15 Comments »

  1. I love this. The conversation was HILARIOUS, and so is this. 🙂

    Comment by butsinceyourestoned | February 16, 2011 | Reply

    • Hmm… 3 comments & all from my kids. This almost counts as a family meeting.

      Comment by bonesysblahg | February 17, 2011 | Reply

  2. I thought it was hilarious as well. My lady and I were just a little concerned on what the outcome would be. We sure as heck knew you were joking, but weren’t quite sure about her mom! We didn’t hate you in any way at that point in time!

    Comment by "Victim" Son | February 17, 2011 | Reply

    • And what was the outcome? Epic fail.

      Comment by bonesysblahg | February 17, 2011 | Reply

  3. This seems to be a trend… Didn’t your Facebook post last week say something about making an impression with Kieran’s friends, but not a good one? Despite that, this is hilarious!

    Comment by Kid1/TheAwesomeOne | February 17, 2011 | Reply

    • See? It’s just how I roll! Although all I really did at the sorority brunch was get up & walk out when they started speaking.

      But, I think Braedon’s girlfriend’s mom now likes me even LESS than your girlfriend’s mom. Good news for you!

      Comment by bonesysblahg | February 17, 2011 | Reply

  4. Hilarious. Apparently we have the same sense of humor. I don’t t6alk about my affairs on FB either.

    Comment by Handful | February 19, 2011 | Reply

    • So you’re one of “THOSE” moms?! Good to know! I was beginning to feel a little lonely out here on Outcast Island.

      Comment by bonesysblahg | February 20, 2011 | Reply

  5. Haha, I think it’s totally your right as a parent to embarrass the hell out of your kids at least once a day 🙂 My Dad used to drop me off at high school in his cop car, and tell me to have a good day, and that he loved me over the loud speaker. While blasting the siren.
    I still haven’t forgiven him.

    Comment by leafprobably | February 20, 2011 | Reply

    • hahaha That is EPIC! I don’t have a cop car, but suddenly think I need to find a vintage Mr. Microphone. I’ll be rolling up onto their campuses in style!

      Comment by bonesysblahg | February 21, 2011 | Reply

      • Or I think you’ll find even a loud speaker of some kind – like a bullhorn or something, is equally effective.

        Especially when paired with flashing headlights.

        Comment by leafprobably | February 22, 2011

  6. I have read, laughed, reread and laughed some more! She’ll never forget you which is great because who doesn’t want to be unforgetable?!
    And first impressions aren’t really as important as people make them out to be. A perfect example would be newborns – they at first are covered in grossness & blood, hell, sometimes they even have hair all over them at first but then they get cleaned up and all any of us can talk about is how cute they are – totally forgetting that first impression!

    Comment by Mecca | February 28, 2011 | Reply

    • Good point! Someday that mom is going to see me for my newborn cute-ness & not my rambling Ambien-induced crazy train. Good to know!!

      Comment by bonesysblahg | March 1, 2011 | Reply

  7. […] So, in order to remedy that, I’ve agreed to go to her sorority Founders Day brunch next month.   I’m not quite sure why she wants me to do this.  Have I mentioned that I like to leave an impression? […]

    Pingback by Ratings « Bonesy's Blahg | January 24, 2012 | Reply

  8. […] So, in order to remedy that, I’ve agreed to go to her sorority Founders Day brunch next month.   I’m not quite sure why she wants me to do this.  Have I mentioned that I like to leave an impression? […]

    Pingback by Ratings « Bonesy's Blahg | January 14, 2017 | Reply


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