Bonesy's Blahg

Things In My Text Box

These posts are always both incoming and outgoing texts, and I never tell which.  This one, however, is a little bit different.  Mostly because I dumb assedly erased almost all of my inbox.  On accident.  And then I uttered a few curse words.  Surprise, I know!!   There are a couple of incoming texts in this post, but this group was mostly sent by me to my anonymous friends & family.  If you sent me something & were hoping to see it in my next text post … Sorry, but you know I’m kind of a dumbass sometimes. 

Also, keep in mind that these posts are not conversations.  Most of them were completely innocent (I’d insert an angelic-faced picture here, if I had one.), so they’re taken completely out of context & rarely in order.  That would require a cell phone better than mine & some organizational skills.  I have neither.

–         Why, does he deer hunt pantsless? Bet that causes shrinkage.

–         Cold air in those places is not considered a good thing to sane people.  Put some fucking clothes on next time!

–         They just want to TRY! They like warm, moist places.  I only have a couple of those.

–         Right.  I’ll take my chances with the possible bed bugs.  They don’t want to impregnate me.

–         Have a great way for your to raise $ for your missions trip.  Prostitution!!!

–         Log on before homewrecking whore is taken.  Tooo funny.

–         Dude…We group sodomized Jesus yesterday!

–         Nice.  Good thing I don’t believe in Jesus. Otherwise, I’d be a lil nervous.

–         OMG that’s horrible but why am I laughing right now?

–         So, I think black guys that are hard of hearing have a thing for me.

–         Nah, you love me.  I’m your favorite.

–         Make sure you wave in the general direction of your asshole Uncle Austin Powers while you’re in his ‘hood

–         It’s better that way. Family is overrated if they’re all assholes.

–         Holy fuck it just hit me…I have a Wonder Woman & a Batman!  If I had kept breeding, I could have birthed the new Justice League!

–         Not really, they’re all goofy.  That’s how I roll.

–         OMG!!  Did you hear that?  That was the sound of my eyes rolling.

–         You should have some chocolate.  And then maybe find a midget to laugh at. That always makes me feel better.

–         Hey, I’m as classy as a Detroit Denny’s!!

–         Now I want sausage.  These drugs blow!!

–         Well, I don’t want you to forget!  I’m out of drugs, woman!

–         Bite me, junkie.

–         Make it 20 & you’re on.  Have to do something with my hair. Holy fuck, I look like a crackhead!

–         So if they made a serotonin supplement, I’d be sane?  Good to know.

–         Must be something going on there today. Or they’re just winos.

–         Your dog just pissed in the dining room…then started licking it up.  And you thought she wasn’t “special.”

      –    Only like Special Olympics kids.  They’re all winners of some sort.

–         Yep. And there’s nobody in my apt to see me naked anyway! Lol

–         OMG!!! That is a pocket hoohoo!!! Hilarious!!

–         Yep. Pocket pussy. Stuck to the wall.

–         Dammit!!  I want my ladybits back!!

–         You should practice using it on each other…see whose hair smokes the most.

–         Bitch wasn’t faking.  And we were at Chili’s.

–         Good point.  Have to make sure not to wear saggy drawers while eating chips.

–         I don’t like sand in my hoo-ha.

–         Oh.  Good point.  Dollars it is!

–         If they catch you, start crying & say you stopped taking your meds & just can’t control the voices anymore.

Note to self:  Next time, when the phone asks if you REALLY want to delete these items… Just say no.


November 15, 2010 - Posted by | Advice, Confession, Friends, Kids, Textersations

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