Bonesy's Blahg

Porny Bandz

It all started out innocently enough…

(Don’t all the best stories begin that way?)

It was supposed to be a low-key breakfast with our daughters at a local eatery.

In the spirit of full disclosure, that restaurant is also kind of a hangout for the elderly & church crowds.

But in the middle of breakfast, some porn broke out.

It wasn’t my fault, really.  I try to be good.  But sometimes, on certain days, around certain people, I just can’t help myself.

It’s kinda like when “The Flintstones” got stupid & brought that little green alien guy onto the show.  He would hover over Fred’s shoulder & make him do really bad things.  Fred was totally unable to stand up to the peer pressure & just made bad choices.

I confess, I MAY have made some bad choices of my own today.  Especially since my teenage daughter was watching.  As was my friend’s 9 year old, and several tables of old women.  It’s safe to say there were probably a few blushes and “Oh My’s” being bandied about.  Also, a probable call to Children’s Services.

I think I’ll probably just ignore my phone calls for a few days.

See, I’ve never really understood the draw to Silly Bandz.  At least, until now.  As of this morning around 11:30 (and there MAY even be a police report to corroborate that time), I have a new-found appreciation for the jewelry equivalent of those Jelly Shoes everyone wore in 1983.  Even though they’re made by Chinese 8 year-olds, apparently some of those little Asian kids have a sense of humor!  At least, I hope they were kidding.

You see, thanks to some Silly Bandz, I MAY have been guilty of Contributing To The Delinquency Of A Minor this morning.

It’s not something I’m proud of.  Okay, maybe I am a little proud.  Not of the possible charges that MAY arise out of this morning’s events, though.  More of the level of creativity that flows through me when you combine my already dirty mind with some cheap rubber and the presence of my friend Kelly.

Wait, that kinda came out wrong.

Maybe it’s just the 12 year old boy in me.

Also came out wrong.

Okay, I think I’ve stalled long enough & have explained the circumstances as best I can.

Cue the boom-chicka-wow-wow music (which I would totally add if I knew how)..

Here comes the porn & don’t say I didn’t warn you:

*Disclaimer – No children or elderly church ladies were actually harmed during the course of this breakfast.  Unless you count the damage to their fragile psyches.


November 7, 2010 - Posted by | Confession, Friends, Kids


  1. um…hmm.. ok – Some of those I can’t make out what they were ORIGINALLY – but you definitely get the point across. I didn’t know they had those things in different shapes, i thought they were all round! shows what I know – give it a few years and when danielle is 8 I am sure I’ll get my education in the latest fads… 🙂

    Comment by Greek | November 8, 2010 | Reply

    • I sure as hell hope these things are out of vogue by then. First of all, they’re latex or silicone or something, so I’m already thinking dirty. But when that little girl grabbed what was supposed to be a CANDLE by what looked like saggy balls to me, I damn near choked on my toast. And then I started paying more attention & a blog post was born.

      Comment by bonesysblahg | November 8, 2010 | Reply

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