Bonesy's Blahg

Things In My Text Box

– Bitch
– You are a bitch!
– God, you’re a bitch!
– Have I told you lately you’re a bitch?
– You are a bitch! Hahaha Now I need a nap.
– OMG!! You captured their souls! You JAMMERN!!
– I HATE YOU!! haha
– Haha Thanks Mom
– You know I love ya, right Mommy?
– If I had a flower for every time I thought of my mother, I could walk in my garden forever 😀
– You mentally tortured us for punishment.
– Did you see the nice thing I said while you were clearing your texts?
– I’ve discovered that grandma’s finger was roughly the size of one of my toes.
– He needs a cheaper hobby. Like hookers or blow.
– My underwear are falling down.
– It’s like my pants don’t want anything between my ass & them!
– Where were you shopping, Sistas R Us?
– Awww pretty (name deleted) in her lab coat!
– (name deleted) All beige, all the time.
– You would look so purr-ty!
– @ Subway in capri pajama pants & no bra
– Well you flaunt those puppies then like she did. Short skirt or too tight corduroys?
– Very weird chick! At least no I Love Lucy dress & heels today.
– Went shopping yesterday & came home w these shirts. Just realized I’m going to dress like an Easter egg all winter!
– Nope, (name deleted) took the pic. Baby in a sombrero!
– She got her hair cut again over the w/e & now it looks like those cheap wigs in the back of women’s mags.
– This is actually a good thing. People w mullets are like midgets. You can’t help but to look @ them & smile.
– Anyway…it’s a mullet, but also strangely tall on top.
– Also, (name deleted) is a humpback.
– I made a meat penis!
– Strangely like fajita…but then I’ve never actually tasted pig penis.
– He needs to find one of those chicks that have a fetish for fat men…take care of his fungus problem. Did you cook your meat penis last night?
– Dammit! Missed opportunity. It shrank when I cooked it & didn’t look so penis-y anymore.
– Holla! Think she’ll pick the meat off the bones for me again?
– No, that would be cruel.
– I would’ve gotten dirty if I would’ve touched her…She’s rather nasty, my friend. I believe she could use a soak.
– Drunk homeless people hanging out behind the covered parking under my building.
– Stinky feet?
– I don’t know. Do you smell like BenGay? Maybe you’re like catnip to old men & they just can’t resist your scent.
– Geeks love fish…and girls who smell like fish.
– Are you trying to tell me you have gas?
– It’s my flat wide butt.
– Does your milkshake bring all the boys to the yard?
– Yeah. Unfortunately, they are not welcome to the yard.
– A guy with one arm is mowing the lawn!
– Our lawn? We don’t even know a one-armed man!
– Ha ha! I feel like a secret spy on a mission…only it doesn’t involve attacking anyone or no one has to die in the end…awesome!
– She’s a REPUBLICAN??? And a PALIN fan?! Are you just fucking with me?
– A Republican I can handle. I don’t understand, but whatev. A Palin fan is just unforgivable.
– Hmm I knew there was a reason. U were lonely and inflicted damage on yourself for sympathy.
– That’s funny. Strippers do that too.
– Tx for the visual silly girl. I just got home wrk in my dominatrix.
– WHAT?? Dominatrix homework?
– (silence)
– Maybe you just aren’t any good at it.
– Yes please – but forgive me if I decline to worship with you –I might end up body snatched too!
– Hmm valid concern – so you may have been body snatched – next you’ll be training to become a minister.
– @ church this early after a wild older person party?! Crazy! I’m always late.
– Can’t believe how many mothers w kids @ Walmart reek of alch!
– I’m doing a hungover titty walk. So fun though!
– Nice. Nothing like a sprinting crackhead.
– Orrville as in popcorn? I don’t know what a bong is!
– Called (name deleted) lady said they have pipes after I asked about bongs and she said they start at a little less than 20.
– You’re welcome. It’s your future I’m looking out for.
– Nobody ever died from that. Except that one guy.
– Unless I go in for a broken leg and they break my arm to take my mind off the pain in my leg.
– That’s because he can’t REACH them!
– I am a crazy for sure…they should probably put me to sleep.
– No but close. I do have odd moments every now n then.
– Eating a hotdog while on a bun with a fork and knife. This girl is crazy cakes to the fullest.
– Well I got laid off. Lack of work… I guess coloring & paperclip trains didn’t look like work.
– Working. Kinda. Mostly I’m fucking off. What about you?
– Athletic Business. Not sure what orgasmic women have to do with athletic business, though.
– Yes, didn’t you get my text about the condom club sticky note making us laugh?
– I seen that… It’s kind of interestingly dumb.
– Why did that sound like Rob Schneider in my head?
– You realize you TOLD a secret, just minus the name, right?
– To be clear, just who are we keeping our secret from?
– Nah, you love me. I’m a good secret keeper!
– Back door?
– Hahaha I couldn’t figure out what the brown was!
– And the water cleared up pretty well. Probably was from the stress reliever & the amt of poop in that bag.
– My BIFF is adding you on facebook! You should accept her cordial invitation to her friendship!
– I have graciously accepted her cordial offer of friendship in an effort to bring peace to our lands. Also, I’m stoned.
– Yay! Happy Stoning!


October 31, 2010 - Posted by | Confession, Friday 5, Friends, Kids, Textersations, Work


  1. If I had a flower for every time I thought of my mother, I could walk in my garden forever

    OK – I absolutely love this. LOVE it. Permission to repeat? I really do love it.. did I say that enough?

    Comment by Greek | October 31, 2010 | Reply

  2. Obviously that’s not one that I sent! But since I publicize all my texts anyway, that child has no expectation of privacy. So, yes.

    Comment by bonesysblahg | October 31, 2010 | Reply

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