Bonesy's Blahg

5 Reasons Why My Kids Will One Day Need Therapy

I admit it.  I am guilty of SOMETIMES saying outlandish things for the sport of making my kids believe me.  Seriously, why have kids if you can’t test the limits of their gullible nature?  Here are 5 things I’ve told my kids over the years, in no particular order:

1) I have a midget circus in my cubicle. Honestly, I’m not sure where this one even came from.  But the midgets have WAY more fun than I do!

2) Your daddy was a black man. Have you seen my kids?!  Clearly, Daddy was not black.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

3) I have eyes in the back of my head. I used this one a lot when they were little & cutting up in the back of the minivan.  I had to be careful not to fall asleep watching tv.  There were a couple occasions where I woke up to a kid sneakily parting my hair.

4) Keep touching that thing, and I WILL cut it off. No explanation needed.

5) Ok, this one was not an intentional outlandish thing… but it is true.  Also, it’s kind of a confession…

I once hijacked my daughter’s facebook message thread with her friends one night.  I had taken Ambien & was SO incredibly stoned when I posted “(name deleted), I’m really stoned.Right now”  (bad grammar/punctuation & all)  Her message thread was about missing her Bryn Mawr friends & singing their freshman class song.  I did post a quasi-apology to her, though.  In my apology, I called her a heartless bitch for not being touched that I was wanting to share with her.


October 29, 2010 - Posted by | Confession, Friday 5, Kids


  1. LOL! The parting of the hair thing. Let me guess…Braedon. (?)

    Comment by Krister | October 29, 2010 | Reply

    • haha Oddly enough, it was just the boys. The girls were probably afraid to look.

      Comment by bonesysblahg | October 29, 2010 | Reply

  2. For years I told my daughter she was born with a tail, but we had it cut off right after birth. She did in fact believe it for years. Especially after we watched that episode of The X-files…you know…the one with babies with tails! My friend even had an X-files book that highlighted the episode. With pictures! Maddie was sooo pissed that we cut off her cool tail! She was 11 when she finally figured out we were messing with her head! Brahhahahhahahah!

    Comment by Dawn | October 29, 2010 | Reply

  3. Hahaha That beats all of mine, hands down! Good job!!!

    Comment by bonesysblahg | October 29, 2010 | Reply

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