Bonesy's Blahg

Things In My Text Box

Back by popular request (OK, really it was Greek’s request)…  As always, some of these are TO me (which really means that if you text me, you should know by now that you have no right to privacy) and some are FROM me, and I’m not telling what’s what.  Also, I should probably tell you that these will be offensive to many nationalities.  But, since I’m an equal opportunity offender, you probably already knew that.  It’s okay, though.  I offend middle aged white women, too.

-Hubby find out about boyfriend?  What a whore!

– We knew she was a whore when she sat down & the chair got an infection.

– Ohhh…I like the whole “role play” thing! If I do a few sit-ups & wear a mullet wig, can we pretend it’s 1983 & I’m only 18?  SCORE!!

– (name deleted) was supposed to burn it for me but he’s been busy.  So I get my fix on YouTube once in a while.

– I’m jealous! I never got to see mini people porn, much less a Christmas show.

– Nope, flashed a black guy instead. Mental note-throw swimsuit away.

– Worse, it was bottoms…& not only my butt flashed!

– Party the Punjabi way: 50 bottles of Mt Dew & about 75 of Dr. Pepper.

– I’m the only one here today & it’s normally packed.  Hope no one was murdered or eaten by ducks.

– Back at park.  Hopefully no run-ins with dycks.

– I would say they suck, but maybe they just leak.

– That was sort of mean of me.  Not sure why I said that, but for some reason don’t feel too bad.

– Bad Tranny

– Is there any way that they can shrink??

– You could give her some rum – Guaranteed to shut her the fuck up!

– So YOU’RE the weird chick?!

– Good point.  Vajayjay needed a breather after being strangled for a day.

– Wow, now THAT’S a strangling!

– No fair, u just made me choke my taco!

– It’s kinda like a sitcom, without the funny parts… Making it just a sit, which is short for situation, which makes me think of that ugly guido poser boy, which irritates me, which makes me feel sorry for you having to deal with it all.

– – She said she’s wearing a dress to the game so she can moon u.  Now I’m scared.

– It’s ok, I’ll warn the others.  Also, we have a roll of caution tape.  We’ll just rope off a granny area for her.


– I say we knock her down & beat her with her cane.  We’ll say it was an accident!

– I swear I’m gonna get a pack of  pepsi, some slim jims & whatchamacallits & show up at your house one night.

– I feel a tumor coming on!

– A tumor might be too extreme.  But I’m REALLY annoyed at her right now.

– Did you double up on the evil pill today?

– Oh my goodness! Black midget with blonde hair!

– Pic, please!

– She wheeled away, but I’ll try.

– So follow her, I need a pic!
– In another room? I don’t know where she went because I didn’t plan to chase her.

– If you use T9 to write honkers, you’ll get hookers instead.

– What in the world is a honker, how did they come up with that, & how did you find it?

– I wish we were the honkers!!

– Yeah, I would hate to be a honker.

– It’s like hooters…but it’s not.

– Yeah & they should sell nothing but milkshakes.

– And hot dogs.  Really large hotdogs.

– Amish flea market!  Didn’t’ think they’d go with butt rub.

– N E room under the tent for an old bitch 2 sit?

– I’m pretty negro if I do say so myself.

– Ooohhh…he just said HE is my asian daddy!

– Don’t (name deleted) & I have a black daddy?

– No, mommy was just feeling a different flavor of love when you were conceived.

– Those tiny Indians are vicious.

– I need some fruit salad to find my “A” game.

– Holy fuck, where do you put all those people? Just because your last name is (removed, but Hispanic), you don’t have to LIVE like Mexicans!

– You may need to go shopping again.  This time, stay away from the petites.  Pants aren’t meant to impregnate us.

– Is this research something that will affect my ability to sleep unmedicated?  It’s a skill I’m working on.

– Has he been mexicated?

– meDicated.  Mexicated is when you get knocked up by a spic.  That’s a whole other thing.

– That too.  Maybe if you lace the boot tip with the drugs, he can just get them rectally.  It’s a win-win.  You’ll feel much better after kicking him.

– No, it has to do with fashion design & your innate ability to match things.

– You should buy stirrup pants.   They’re never too short, the elastic waist is always higher than your bellybutton (no ass cleavage!), they’re super stretchy so you can eat whatever you want, & they’re always in style!

– My toast is getting lippy with me.

– Finger condoms!

– OK, what meds are you taking that make you think having a thousand pricks would be fun?

And… that’s all I’ve got.  I’ve purged the cell phone & am starting my new collection.


September 29, 2010 - Posted by | Friends, Kids, Textersations


  1. Tee Hee – Thank you – I just skimmed it for now but will revisit later 😉

    Comment by Greek | September 29, 2010 | Reply

  2. Two posts in one week, impressive!

    Comment by kid2 | September 29, 2010 | Reply

    • Sh! Don’t tell anybody!! They might start to EXPECT this from me.

      Comment by bonesysblahg | September 29, 2010 | Reply

  3. 🙂 you remember me, the wall flower – I stay in the shadows 🙂

    Comment by Greek | September 29, 2010 | Reply

    • Not anymore! Now you’re like a ninja. You still stay in the shadows, but place well-timed, super quiet attacks.

      Comment by bonesysblahg | September 29, 2010 | Reply

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