Bonesy's Blahg

Things In My Text Box

– I’m not sure, but our VAGINAS ARE UNDER ATTACK!!  We should get them some little hoo-ha helmets.

– Complete backfire!  I wanted Xanax & instead walked out with a list of therapists & a script for a yeast infection.

– Did you get a discount at all?

– So are you completely out of KY now?

– That is because she ate her!

– Good lick!

– I can’t imagine the horror of putting my head in that hellhole.

– I’ll use my feet.

– Did she call you a brazen hussy?

-You’re like a no-money madam.  Also?  Hickeys are tacky.

– How many pervs would like a 32A?  Can I sell YOUR bras & MY panties?

–  Hey, we need to get jugs too.

– Going out would mean putting my bra back on & wearing something more than PJs.  Think I’ll pass.

– U know what it makes itch on me!

– Woman.  Maybe you should cool it with the tequila.

– I can get you some hours old, warm from sitting in the sun, gas station sub meat.

– He’s an asshole & I hope that one day the gators get him back.

– Did he do it over a campfire, on a spit?  That’s how rednecks roll in my head.

– HELP ME!  JESUS IS ON FIRE!!!!

– Can I borrow your midget circus to clean my room?

– I work with fuckers too.

– I would say she’s autistic, but it’s more like bitch-tistic.

– Fake mustache > Silly Hats

– I feel Amish… Except I have a phone.

– Would you rather be sent a link about a woman who pooped herself while getting arrested, or a pic of Romy’s puke patty?

– We may have to tie a bungee cord to her life jacket.

– Dammit!  As a spammer, I should be making more $. Or at least have a stockpile of questionable Mexican drugs so I don’t need a script from my sexy librarian pirate doctor.

– Deflated watermelons look like a white trash alien housewife’s boobies after 6 kids.

– No melon for you!

– Dude..Did you drunk dial me at 2 am? I bet you were calling with a grand new plan to end all wars & get Lady GaGa to STFU.  And I missed it!  Dammit!!

– Holy hell, you must be bored! I think I’d rather have my teeth pulled by pliers & be visited by the real tooth fairy..who turns out to be Pennywise the clown, who shreds my innards and hangs me from the telephone wires where I would be eaten by crows…than watch that movie.

As always, I’m not naming names… and I’m certainly not telling you what is from my “in” box or what’s from my “sent” box.  I’ll leave that up to your imagination.

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July 6, 2010 - Posted by | Friends, Textersations

4 Comments »

  1. Ha Ha!! Ummm…..you make my head hurt! It’s mean! Stop it! But not really!

    Comment by Kel | July 6, 2010 | Reply

    • Um, Kel? Did you count how many of these were either FROM or TO you? (I’m not saying which… I’m just sayin’.)

      Comment by bonesysblahg | July 6, 2010 | Reply

  2. The one that starts with “Holy hell, you must be bored!” must be about Twilight, obviously! And I don’t know if you know about it already, but you would definitely like textsfromlastnight.com

    Comment by Bren | July 13, 2010 | Reply

    • Wow, has it really been nearly a month since I checked this blahg? I’m like the world’s worst blahgger. I’ve read textsfromlastnight.com, but think most of them are made up. Mine are all real!

      Comment by bonesysblahg | August 4, 2010 | Reply


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