Bonesy's Blahg

How I know Orbitz is staffed by kids in helmets

Once a year, I leave my family behind & take a mental health break.  Sure, it’s in the guise of a trade show… But the end result is the same; I come home relaxed & re-energized, ready to jump back into my responsibilities.  Okay, that’s complete bullshit.  I come home exhausted & hung over, ready to jump back into my gigantic, comfy bed.  Mostly this is because I add a few extra days in there to hang with friends.

So, in two more weeks, I’ll be jetting (sounds so exotic when I put it that way) off to sunny, tropical  Bizarro World Kentucky to visit the BFF for a few days.  Which will be a blast, but dry.  Because she, bless her little heart, doesn’t drink.  Which should give me plenty of time to pre-hydrate… Because after that, it’s off to Orlando for the show… and hanging with another great friend.  Who, bless her little heart, has no problem knocking ’em back with me.  Which brings me to my point (YES, I do have one!)…

Yesterday I got an email from Orbitz that said “Are you ready for your trip to Orlando?” and tried to get me to book a rental car, hotel, etc.  Ok, WTF?!  Has anyone in the history of travel ever said “Y’know, I dread my upcoming trip to ORLANDO?”

Okay, there was that trip to bootcamp a few (ahem)  years ago.  Mostly that just made me a little nauseous to think about, no matter how badly I needed to escape home.  But those were clearly extenuating circumstances!   Because this time, I don’t think anyone’s going to be storming into my room yelling “REVEILLE, REVEILLE, EVERYBODY UP!”  I don’t think anyone is going to make me wear a long-sleeved denim shirt and bell bottoms in 90 degree heat… Or carry a raincoat over my left arm that they’ll never let me fucking put on, no matter how hard it rains!  Also, if I happen to see a gigantic cockroach INCHES FROM MY FACE in my plush hotel room, I won’t have to fear for my life because I get a whole company of chicks in trouble as I jump up screaming.  (And Kris… don’t get any goddamn ideas.  That shit WON’T BE FUNNY!)

So my point is… Orbitz, you stupid fucking bastards!  OF COURSE I’m ready!  You’re just being an asshole!


April 16, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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