Bonesy's Blahg

Intervention

Dear Mother Nature:

First, let me say that we are all here today because we love you.  We have all enjoyed the majestic beauty of your presence through the years.   But, it’s time we had a little talk.

Enough!   We’ve stood by you as long as we could, watching as your behavior spiraled out of control.  It’s become quite obvious that you are using meth.  No, don’t deny it!  You will have your turn to speak, but right now I need you to listen to me.  You have become an out-of-control, tweaking meth head.  There is no other way to describe the havoc you have wreaked on our lives this year.  I’ll try to stay focused as I air my grievances:

1) Haiti.  Seriously, Mother, WTF?!  They already lived in sub-Third World conditions!  Huts obviously don’t hold up well to earth rumblings.  Once you shake the bottom layer of mud, what’s left to hold up the walls?   I understand that the meth has given you an uncontrollable increase of energy.  But unleashing this version of hell on them was a cruel, cruel act.

2) US.  While not nearly as cruel as your doings in Haiti (Again, WTF?!)… what you are doing to the US is also unforgivable.  8″ of snow in Dallas?  DALLAS?!?!  50″ in D.C.? (Like those bastards need another excuse to NOT work!)  I get it… Meth causes an overwhelming urge to talk nonstop.  Since you’re Mother Nature & all, this results in an overabundance of moisture in the air & it has to go SOMEWHERE.  Let me say this – if you had concentrated your rambling over Utah, nobody would even notice.  They like it that way!  Or, say, Montana or Wyoming… Nobody actually lives there!   Your drug-addled brain has you making bad choices, Mother.

3) Canada.  Mother, it’s the WINTER Olympics!  Again, with the choices!!   What do you have against world class athletes, anyway?  They NEED the cold and snow in order to compete.  Instead, organizers are trucking in snow from other areas.  Your answer to that?  Warm temperatures and rain to wash away all of the imported snow.  I know your addiction causes irritability, but you’ve gone too far.  Billions of dollars were spent to put on this orgy of athletic prowess in a worldwide economic depression.

I could go on, but I’m really hoping you get the point.  It’s time you stopped acting out & started looking out for the best interests of your children.  We really can’t take anymore.  And also.. have you seen your teeth lately?  Yeesh!

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February 15, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized

2 Comments »

  1. Mom! You forgot to mention the fact that i’m stuck on a bus behind a 40 car pile up, and that i should have been back hours ago!

    Comment by kier | February 15, 2010 | Reply

  2. Right! Next time, pack a pocket sandwich. In addition to her addiction problem, Mother Nature is a bitch.

    Comment by bonesysblahg | February 15, 2010 | Reply


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